'Terminator' Braithewaite Strikes Back
In what has been described as a gigantic stroke of fortune, D.I. Arnold Braithewaite nicknamed 'The Terminator' by the team of detectives he commands has recovered most of the BOP - (Bank of Print) punctuation marks that were stolen in a train robbery, outside of Dent last week. The breakthrough occurred when a off duty P.C. was about to call at his local newspaper shop after finishing his night shift when he noticed a transit tipper parked at the side of road, as he approached the vehicle he noticed a trail of newsprint characters at the rear and immediately returned to his own car so that he could follow the tipper when it left. Two men got in and proceeded up Rake Head and onto Rooley Moor Road, staying well back he watched them turn into the Heights Farm track and up to one of the outbuildings located at the rear of Top of the Heights farm.
Constable Jacob Tatterstall then reported to Bacup police station to raise the alarm. On receiving the information Sgt Jack Crabtree sent a urgent fax to the team HQ at Dent and a task force led by D.I. Braithewaite left immediately to lead the raid on the premises. Assembling behind the old Stacksteads railway sidings buildings at 10 a.m. they raced up to the Heights and surrounded the building, catching the occupants unawares who gave themselves up without a fight, their names confirmed in a later press release were Ronnie and Reggie Crayfish, Jack 'The Hat' Crawford, and Ronald Briggs. Recovered from the outbuildings were sackfuls of the stolen punctuation marks and according to sources at the scene over 95% of the booty has been returned to the BOP. No other persons were found at the scene thus giving rise to the question who was Mr Big and what has happened to him, D.I. Braithewaite stated "inquiries are on-going, but at this stage there is no evidence, only suspicions, to connect the master mind behind the crime to the scene". Mr David Greenwood a resident of Bacup had been travelling towards Rawtenstall on his ZZR1100 a massive motorcycle with more grunt than a million pigs when he was forced to take evasive action by the oncoming taskforce, "bloody police hooligans, anybody would think their arses were on fire" he quipped, to which a nearby policeman retorted that his arse would "feel my boot if he didn't clear off". As a footnote Dectective Superintendant "nipper" Read of Scotland Yard was said to be delighted at the arrests and a little disappointed at not being asked to attend the raid as he has been after the Crayfish twins for years, a meeting with D.I.Braithewaite was on the cards at "The Blind Beggar" public house to celebrate the successful outcome.
Footnote : Rumour is rife in reporters circles that the Arch-villian The Demon Brewer and his entourage has left the country after an attack by a cloud of blood thristy midges at the Dentlitz fortress where they were staying, a insider informed your newshound that Australia was mentioned --------- so its G'day pommie for me.
A NODIAL PRODUCTION for SUFFERINGSMOKE